wow, I think this is the longest time I have gone without blogging.  So I am assuming I may be writing this to myself and my friends and relatives I force to read via fb and Email.

Actually, for all I know they ( friends and family) may be deleting.  But just in case an actual Xanga person who is still here reads this ,I'll try and catch you up.  

This will be long, like a chapter book, so if you start to get bored with the book, just rec it and comment without finishing.

. I went to Colorado for Thanksgiving, that was nice

. Christmas/Chanukah - uneventful

. New years Eve - nothing

.Then I got THE DOG

I wish I had a picture of the old dog who went by the name of Orega.  Even though he never answered to that name, and it means nothing in any language.  I got Orega at a no kill shelter, which is not to say it isn't a no smell shelter.

 I choose him for several reasons, one, he was hypo-allergenic, two, the other dogs were barking, and three I liked his tan LONG coat.  Then when I picked him up he gave kisses and well you know the rest.  I usually hate kisses, especially from dogs, but I was pretty sure this was going to be my dog, so it was ok.  Just like when your own baby has snot and you are only a little grossed out.

 I renamed him Samson, he was going to be Sam but my friend John hated it, so I said, "how about Samson" and he approved, so I call him Samson and he calls  him Sahmson, which makes no sense.  I don't let John order me around, but he did send me the photo of Orega so I allowed it this time.

As I was on my way home with Sam at the time, he sat on my neck, like a urine, soaked, mink stole.  For over an hour.  All I knew of Sam was, he smelled, he was three, had bad dental tarter, and his former owners " had no time for him".  

My mom won't like this part, but as I was driving with Sam on my neck, I was also searching my iphone and calling every groomer from Chicago to my home town.  NO ONE could take him, Finally, I found a lady who said if I hurried she would take him.  So I sped.  This was after Sam escaped from the car, as I was getting gas he ran all over the gas station parking lot.  I finally got his smelly self back on my neck, which is very uncomfortable by the way, and off we sped to the groomers.  

We were not even fully in the door when she said it all had to come off.  I was like " what? His hair? Can't you just give him a bath and brush it?"  I didn't adopt a bald dog, I adopted a dog with what could have been pretty, long hair, if this lady had known how to get years of matting untangled.  Well she didn't, so I came back and the almost named Samson/Sahmson looked like a COMPLETELY different dog and I noticed now he was very skinny.

Here he is about a month into our becoming a family of two.

actually it might be two months by then.

Anyway, he seems happy, well adjusted with his little sweater,right?  Well, yes, in that moment, because I was there.  It seemed my sweet, affectionate dog had what is known as Separation Anxiety.  Having suffered from anxiety myself, I figured I'd get him some Xanax and all will be fine.   The neighbor above me, who happens to be hispanic and speaks very little english, was VERY clear when she said " your dog, he cry very loud and he howl like wolf when you at work".  I asked " when does he stop?'  Her reply, "when you come home."  I thought she must be exaggerating, who cries and howls for 7 hours?  My extended tape recorder device $30.00 by the way, told me that it is very possible and very loud and disturbing.  And NON stop.  Plus the door was scratched down to a toothpick and the  carpet by the door had been shredded to nothing, not to mention the other gifts, like poop on the floor.

Not paniked yet, I ran to the pet store got a bunch of expensive natural remedies, I figured this would cover the cost of the vet visit, who isn't open on Sunday, and he would be fine.  We had the calming drops, the pheromone collar, the plug in pheromone thing, that I wasn't supposed to be able to smell, but could, and the secret weapon, anti-anxiety wrap.  Rated online much higher than the thunder shirt and guaranteed to cure separation anxiety, I was sure this was the trick. Lets just say I love throwing money I really don't have down the toilet.

off to vet one ( two if you count the bitch who gave him his second distemper shot)

Vet number one gave him a drug called Calmpin or something like that, he said it could take a few weeks to work.  I didn't have a few weeks! I have neighbors and thin walls!  So I waited two weeks, and with not even a hint of a change, I called and asked if he could have valium until the miracle drug kicks in.  They said no, because it was basically the same drug, which it isn't. I know, because I had looked it up online.

 Fine! Vet number two, he tells me to throw away the calmpin, it's a muscle relaxer he says, does not work, he gives him doggy prozac and a tranquilizer.  Plus the receptionist was a trainer and she would help with the behaviors and I could pay  off the $400.00.  Ok, a little pricey but she takes him to her house for a week. I get a break. But the drugs?  Well I was sort of pissed considering he had me buy the meds from him and later I found out I could have gotten them at Walmart for like $8.00 as opposed to $30.00.

 Anyway, tranquilizer,prozac, spandex doggie wrap, pheromones ,training, this is in the bag.  Not to mention the downloaded dog calming music, which sounded like normal classical to me, and animal planet all day, well, seriously who would howl with all that?

Samson/Sahmson would.

Well after upping Sahmson's  tranquilizer dose to more mg's than his 10 pound weight, and sending him to doggy training camp, after paying for a shock collar that should not be used for anxiety ($150.00, ) he was better.  He would go in his crate, eat ( we had an issue with that, ) and sit on my ottoman until I said it was ok to get off. 

Big help. NOT

Texting in Spanish to the neighbor while I was at work ( thankfully we have a lot of hispanic boys), and listening to the tape, I end up crying like a baby.

 I can't give away the pain in the ass, who is now my baby, puppy. I beg this vet for Xanax, dogs can't have Xanax, and he informs me valium for dogs is against the law! Really?   My friend's dog is on Valium, so I ask shock collar, receptionist,trainer what to do.  She says go to my friend's vet.

Vet three, friend's vet, does some tests.  I explain that even if I  leave him in the car at target he howls like his paw is stuck in the door.  We experiment, I go in, she stays out, while he is in the car.  He sits there happy and calm, yawns and acts like the perfect dog.  And when we put him in a room alone he cries a little, very soft, then stops.  No howling in a high pitched, ear piercing sound.  

Great, she thinks I have Munchousen by proxy, the canine version. She tells me the tranquilizer he has been on is garbage, she hates it, it doesn't work if the dog is agitated.  Really? Another waste?  And he's not depressed, so the prozac goes too. She will give him liquid valium $35.00 at Walmart.  Thank God, a drug I know works.

 It doesn't work and he throws it up.  Now I get the pill version, only $10.00, the directions say give one hour before expected problem, but the liquid was given every twelve hours.  I don't read the directions on the pill and just do the same as the liquid.  I read the amount and give him about 7.5 mg's twice a day. Every twelve hours like the liquid.  IT WORKS!  Well only when I hide food in my room ( forget the crate, puppy pads work fine for potty and he likes to be free )and then I sneak out, but still, no howling!

Yesterday, I call for a refill and find out, I have been giving him 3 a day which is 15 mg of valium. Well I knew that, but I thought that's what I was supposed to do. The receptionist leaves me a message saying she will not refill after two weeks because she does not understand why I am out. I really didn't appreciate her tone!  I don't think vet three likes me.  Yes, there was the time his tick bites disappeared as soon as we got to the office and reappeared as soon as we got home, and yes I called her day one of liquid valium, crying hysterically while forcing her to listen to the howling tape while yelling "this is hour three!"  

She is calling Monday, and frankly I'm afraid of her.  He acted fine.  That vet doesn't understand we tollerate drugs really well in my family, at least I do, and obviously Samson does too .  But I am sure she will think I am irresponsible, I could tell the receptionist was appalled. She will think he lay in a coma all day, but he didn't, he was just as hyper as ever when I got home and I could hear him drinking water and walking around. I know it appears to her I am insane, but I am only a little crazy and that is mostly due to the dog!

I think I am going to have to find vet 4, and then it may really look like I have Munchousen by proxy canine version.

Anyway, here is my sweet, drug addicted dog now,

Ok it's true, he looks like a druggie here but that was before the valium, I swear 

fine, sort of out of it, but we had a long day

see! he's like a crazy bunny!

anyway, he's cute and I love him. I also make him pose for me.

so anyone know a good vet?

So I go to my local Kmart to get a battery for my camera and this is what I see.  If you get  shocked easily DON'T LOOK, it's bad.

This was LAST WEEK.  I mean come on?  I saw No Halloween stuff.  And it was like 85 degrees that day too.  Why even take them down at all.  It's ridiculous.  Plus, hello?  Jews are the ones with money, saw no Menorahs.  

Speaking of Jews and Holidays, We are now celebrating our high holy days.  Well, they are.  Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year, was celebrated at my dad's with Chinese  food, which is usually reserved for Christmas.  However, My dad and step mom just got home from Spain, because as I said Jews have money, and so it was Chinese. 

I don't really want to go into my drive down into the city of Chicago, but I will , briefly.  It sucked.  Ok, I admit it, I am not a good driver.  I have zero spacial skills.  So you can imagine, with the buses, people, construction, detours  and packed with other, probably, pushy, Jewish drivers, how this went down.  

I drove in circles for like a half an hour, had no phone service thank you A- Fing t&t once again.  Thank you Garmin for not explaining there is an upper Dearborn or something and a lower one.  Whatever, I got there.

The way home wasn't much better.  As I was driving down the street some nice lady waved, I waved back, then she kept waving and I noticed it was not a friendly wave, but a panicked one.  I roll down my window, maybe her car broke down?  Maybe she was just assaulted?  Poor woman.  So as I said, I roll down the window and she goes "  You're going the wrong way on a one way street."  Not many people have done that, I have more times than I care to admit, but just admitted.  It's kind of scary when cars are coming at you , all looking at you thinking " who is that Fing idiot?"  Yeah, that sort of sucked.  And I honestly have no idea how that happened.  But I do know I will NEVER drive in the city again.  EVER!

So we are in the days of awe, ( I think) and that ends with the fun holiday of Yom Kippur.  This is the day we Jews atone for our yearly sins, such as eating shell fish, and enjoying a good Blt sandwhich with the B.  You are also supposed to apologize to someone you did wrong.  For example, maybe you talked behind someones back.  Well, I usually don't apologize for that , because I think that is considered healthy venting.  The only way to REALLY keep friends is to bitch about them to other friends or you would hold it all in. Besides what they don't know won't hurt them.  

We are also supposed to pray all day and reflect on the past year, and a way to do that is by fasting.  Not just fasting though, I hear Orthodox Jews don't even brush their teeth.  Yeah, I'm not sitting in synagog  with a bunch of halitosis  people. Totally disgusting.  I find I concentrate better on a full stomach.  And so the fasting, during a boring service, not fun.

I try and pray and be sorry but frankly, and I hope this doesn't offend people,this is what I'm thinking.

Ok I get it.  Sacrilege of the worst kind, but it is hard to repent and think about how you're going to be better next year, when you just want to eat.  Of course I have gone all day without eating many times, but on Yom Kippur, since it isn't allowed, I am craving corn beef on rye.  You know, always want what you can't have type of thing.

I usually do make it until lunch, so I figure I'm a half way good Jew.  Oh fine, I suck at being a Jew.  I don't go to Temple, even on high holidays, because I don't belong to one.  I don't have money.  And I have never apologized to a friend for talking behind their backs.

I don't know, maybe when I die, G-d will let me have it, but for some reason I feel pretty safe.

I will say this, there were NO new someecards, about the high holy days back in June .  They waited until it was actually, time.  So they beat Kmart in my book.  Too bad they ( someecards) don't sell those 100 calorie bagels,  the thin kind, that shouldn't even be called bagels.  If they did, I would buy some for Yom Kippur, and skip Kmart altogether.  

Here are some nice OCTOBER Autumn photos I took.  Not December ( cough: Kmart)