April 7, 2008

• Mish Mash and SEX and the vibrator

  Edit at the end

  Or is it Mish Mosh?  So anyone miss me?  I know, I have been the worst xangan on the face of the planet, but in my defence I have a LOT going on.   This might be long, but sex talk at the end, so skim if you want...
  

   

  I do know my friend Karen has missed these entries, even though we talk everyday, because she told me she did.  Apparently, she reads me every night before bed.  This never sounded creepy to me until my new friend Wendy said in a sensual voice " After I put on my body lotion and put on my night gown, I sit at the computer..."  I told new friend Wendy I was going to put that in my next entry and that nothing is sacred with me.  So she might be old friend Wendy or ex - friend Wendy after she reads this.

  New friend Wendy is a lot of fun.  This is her in down town Chicago in the Macy's bathroom.

   

  
  
  Macy's bathrooms are very nice.  So is new friend Wendy, she's also funny, which is why I put in her comment about the other friend Karen, reading my blog before bed.

  Anyway, we were in The City to see Drowsy Chaperon with our daughters and that was a lot of fun. 

  But first we went window shopping

  

  I was a real tourist with my camera, even though I have been downtown many times.

  Can someone tell me why someone would pay more than fifty cents for these shoes?

  

  I don't get it?  Speaking of shoes.

  

  Here's a mystery for you all.  This shoe was on the street before we went to the show, but it was with it's partner shoe.  When we came back, it was alone.  Where is the other shoe? 

  Old friend Karen, the one who reads my blog nightly, had never been on a train before.  Here she is pre train boarding and then on the train with  even older friend Diane.

  

  I have cute friends right? 

  All in all it was a good day.  Now I am going to get graphic, so STOP reading if your going to get all offended. 

  Warning sexual topics ahead.

  First, the boys at work are completely grossing me out.  There have been two attempted rapes, one involving a alleged hanger.  I have also learned when they don't like another boy, they ejaculate in his shampoo. New friend Wendy ( I should stop calling her that) said I should tell them, they are actually helping the boy out because sperm is good for the hair.  I told you she was funny.

  So today I was taking Jennie back to school but we had to pick up a bachelorette party gift.  I knew there was this store called Lovers Lane and thought a vibrator would be a funny, yet practical gift for the bride to be.  Jennie, refused to go in.  So I had to be the mature one.  So I go in and find the vibrator section right away.  I'm not a regular vibrator shopper, so I'm thinking something small and cheap.  However, all I see is huge and expensive.  Apparently, I looked out of place, even though I was trying to be all " I shop for vibrators regularly."  The sales woman asks me if this is my first time and suggest this huge dildo/vibrator with a butterfly or something attached ( or maybe it was a bunny.)  She tells me it's made of the best material and has multiple speeds. 
  Well, I'm thinking that would be even funnier than a small vibrator, that is until I checked the price.  $89.00!!!!!!  I really think the small $10.00 one could do the trick, and besides, that's ridiculous.  Almost as bad as those overpriced ugly Macy shoes.

  These people must work on commission because even though I told her I didn't need her help, she kept pushing.  She kept turning them on to show me the different speeds and how pliable they were.  Okay, not cool and really embarrassing.  I told her I thought I was going to go with the cheap, small one, and that I really thought it was cute and that it fit the bride to be's personality better.  I told her that although the giant tongue seemed like a great deal at $50.00 on sale, I was kind of on a budget. 

  If you think the embarrassment would be over, you would be wrong.  I walk out and get in the van and start telling Jennie the story when, one of Matt's friends from high school runs over.  " Mrs. Expunge" she screams, " I thought that was you"  "I'm next door getting a new belly button ring." 

  She actually acted like it was normal to see her friends mom coming out of the sex store.  Just the same as if I were coming out of Target or JC Pennys. 

  I quickly explain why I was coming out of the sex store.  I find out her mom is in the piercing store and she comes out and I make her take a picture with me in front of the sex store.  She also took one of me with the bought vibrator. 

  I am looking forward to getting those so I can humiliate matt to the highest degree. 

  Her mom is running for local office, so I was told not to post the one with her in it. 

  So what if people think she is my lesbian lover?  I was actually a little hurt.  But since I don't have the pictures yet, it's a moot point.

  We all ended up going in the piercing store, and they had pictures.  Let's just say, some things should NEVER be pierced and owww!!!!!!

  I think I'll take a nice long walk now, and get bad images out of my head.  I'll try and be a better xangan in the future.

  PS.  Lover Lane gave me a punch card for future use.  Ten Punches and I think I get something for free, but I'm not sure. 

  

  
  I put a disguise on my " friend" so she won't be recognized
  

  • 7:48 am
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