July 2, 2008

  • Chinese food and other things I've learned in 48 years A Featured grown Up Entry


    Seeing as I just had my 48th birthday, I think I am considered more than a full fledged grown up.

    And that was my intro to the : drum roll : Featured Grown up's July topic

    Grown Ups

    Here's two things I have learned since I was officially a grown up 27 years ago.

    1) Chinese food does not taste as good when it's not from a Chinese food cartoon.

    2.  Being grown up is not as fun as I thought it would be.

    When I was young and not grown up, I couldn't wait to be grown up.

    An obvious perk was being able to eat what I wanted, when I wanted.  Not that my parents were overly strick about food, but I can say I have not had liver and onions since becoming a grown up.  I have however, made meals out of nacho cheese doritos and onion dip, and that has not really benefited me in any way, except that it is damn tasty.  And I'm not to proud to admit, most of the spinach I have consumed in my grown up years, has been in dip form.

      A downside to making your own food choices,  is the expense.  A kid in the grocery store doesn't really give much thought as to where the money comes from when they insist generic Fruit Loops don't taste like the real kind.  Even though that's true, they don't.

    Then there is the weight/health issues that go hand in hand.  I was a very healthy and thin kid, this may have been because of the liver and onions or it just could have been because I was actually moving more than an inch a day.  All I know is, when I started making all food and exercise choices for myself, it was down hill fast.

    A grown up is allowed to read, look at, and watch porn.  Exciting right?  No, not really.  Take away the sneak aspect and it's just, well, stupid.  Lets take a porn movie for example, now I am no porn movie expert, but the ones I have seen, the acting is just really bad.  In fact, children's shows like Sesame Street have better actors.  Not only that most of the " actors" don't really seem to be enjoying themselves.  I have found my mind wandering "  She must wax down there, I bet that really hurts."  "  No way are those boobs real,"  "  I wonder who writes the scripts for these things?"  "I could probably do that."  "  I wonder how much porn script writers make?"

    Whether it's reading those obviously, fake, penthouse letters, or taking a sneak peak at a nudie magazine, it's not the same when your technically allowed.  The exciting part is the danger, the possibly getting caught, , and even the embarrassment.  At 48, I'm like "whatever, you have seen one penis, you've seen um all."

    The same goes for drinking.  If you drank before the legal age, which most people have, suddenly, legally puking all night is not as appealing.  There is no desperation there, no getting away with anything.  You can drink at a party, you can drink in your house, you can drink at a bar, you can even drink on a train and a plane.  Now it's like woop die doo.  And you learn, quality booze can really be expensive.

    A grown up can smoke, drink, have sex, rent a car, and vote.  If it's legal, a grown up can do it.  But of course being a grown up, I have learned with all grown up rights, comes responsibility. 

    Oh sure, we heard that saying as kids, but who really gave it much thought?  I know I didn't. 

    I wanted to be able to crack open a beer at noon if I wanted too, I don't even like the taste of beer.  I thought a grown up could watch TV. all day and night if they so desired.  Who would have thought electricity actually comes in bill form? 

    Bed time?  Ha, I would stay up as late as I wanted when I was grown up ( which turned out to be 10:00 pm.)

    What I wouldn't give to go back.  When my biggest responsibility was passing Algebra.  I want some one else to pay my bills, make my doctors appointments, and do my laundry.  I would gladly eat some liver and onion, if I didn't have to worry about having a roof  over my head. 

    Being a grown up has been kind of a let down.  I would tell  kids who want to rush the process, eat your liver and onions and enjoy it now, cause grown up time comes way too fast.

    Peter Pan knew what he was talking about.

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