November 23, 2008

• I need a Bailout

  Dear Mr. President Elect Obama,
  Wow, it feels kind of weird calling you that because even though we never met, it feels like we are friends.  You know, kind of like the whole Oprah thing.  That wasn't a racial comment by the way, just that you seem accessible, like her.  Especially, after I saw you and Michelle on 60 min.
  
  Anyway, here's the thing, I'm pretty sure we, as in ex husband, my son, and I , have to take out more loans this semester for my son's college.
  
  Now admittedly, I didn't really pay a LOT of attention during your campaign, (  I did listen more than other years though) I seem to remember you saying something about more affordable college. 
  
  I'm thinking you did not mean if your kid CHOOSES to go to an out of state school.  But your from Illinois so maybe you'll get why he didn't want to stay here.  OK, U of I, great school, but I'm not even sure he could have gotten in.

   Well he probably could have, but it's in a corn field! 

   Illinois State?  I heard the dorms are really gross there, and what I saw of the campus wasn't that exciting.   The school he choose, Indiana?  Beautiful.  And you know, I'm pretty sure the students helped you win that state.  I know Matt ( our son) voted for you, right there in Indiana.  If we would have made him go to ISU?  Wasted Illinois vote.
  
  Not that we are snobs or anything, but how can I tell one kid they can go to Northwestern University and another they can't go to the school they love?  And he loves Indiana.
   
  You have two kids, you know how it is.

  Besides he has almost two years in at Indiana, and he just made president of his frat!   And since you just made president of the US.  you know what an honor being president is.  Wouldn't you be upset if someone just took that away from you? 

  Speaking of which, it's a small world Barack.  Guess what frat he belongs too?  Alpha Sigma Phi!  Yep, your friend Warren's old frat!  Yes, Warren Buffet, is there another Warren?  Anyway, I think that is like karma or something.

  Maybe during your talks about money and stuff, Warren may have mentioned wanting to give some of his billions to a frat brother?  I know he's really big on philanthropy, and really, can you think of a better cause?

  I feel like, come on Warren, help a brother out, ya know?  Spread some wealth. 

  Whoa, I am not accusing you of being a socialist, like other people, I was a HUGE supporter of yours.  It's not like I think Warren should give away ALL his money, a million would be fine.

  No, it does not cost a million for him to attend Indiana University, I'm not gonna lie.  However, I think you would agree, that as the mother of the president of the Indiana chapter of Alpha Sig, I could use a handout bailout. 

  I have a really stressful job.  Not as stressful as yours is going to be, but I work with boys from the Chicago hood.  I bet you have met a couple back in the day when you were doing good stuff for Chicago.   So you can imagine.

  Not to depress you or anything, but whatever you were doing, it did not help.  Seriously, some of these boys?  If you want to hear the F word more times than you have ever heard it in your life, come visit me at work.  But I know you tried hard in the Chicago community.  But some people, just don't want the help.  To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what you did in Chicago, were you in the hood?  Anyway...

  It's not just the cursing though, I curse a lot too now.  It's just a bummer of a work environment, you know what I mean?  Even the staff are losers.  It's draining.

  So, I was wondering, could you talk to Warren?  Or congress or something? 

  By the way, I am forced in this crappy economy to live with my ex husband.  We just moved.  I know, weird right?

   If you are ever back in the Chicago area, we live in the suburbs.  I would love to have you come to one of our gatherings around the fire pit.  We all voted for you, well a couple people in our group did not, two republican friends of ours did though and that was HUGE,  I am sure you could charm the few other hold outs.  I think they secretly like you a lot.  They just didn't want to step out of their republican box, you know?  You know how those republicans can be.

  We are all pretty much friends from Show Choir.  I bet your girls would like show choir.  Do they sing and dance?  They take ballet right?  Anyway, I have to tell you, I really got into it with our show choir director in defense of you.

  He was one of those bitter Hillary lovers.  Then he pretended to like Sarah, but I don't think he really did.  I mean Hillary and Sarah have nothing in common, except their gender.  I'm sure you agree.

  I can tell you this though, if you came to one of the concerts, it would go a LONG way in mending fences.  In fact, I think the director would change his tune REALLY fast ( did you like my play on words?).  The next concert is on Dec. 11th.  You guys haven't moved yet right?  Take a limo, 45 min. to an hour tops.  Great Holiday music, a little show choir, sounds nice right?

  Hey, by then you will have given Hillary her really cool new job!  This is perfect!

  We'll talk more at the concert.  Bring Warren.  And a check.

  

  • 10:21 am
  • 37 Comments