January 18, 2009

• sex and the horn, a boring day

  Not as interesting as the title sounds but here it is.

   So I go out to breakfast with my friends Diana and Karin ( not their real names) for breakfast this morning and we had our usual kind of chat.  We talked about our kids of course and cut down other parents parenting skills ( always a good time) and then moved on to sex.  Nothing too exciting, mostly about if our kids ever caught us doing the deed and if we ever caught our parents.  It was a pretty lively conversation, and one that I don't think the guy with the collar on and his prissy looking wife and daughter at the next table appreciated.  And by collar I mean the religious kind.

    Which reminded me of a story my mom told me.  Apparently when I was just a tot I had a big mouth.  I know hard to believe.  So we were out for Sunday breakfast and everyone was the restaurant was packed with people who obviously just came from church.  I decide this is the most opportune time to ask how babies are made.  And just when the restaurant has a quite lull, I yell in my loudest voice "but how does the sperm get to the egg ?"  Which would be pretty embarrassing back in the day.  That was when Lucy and Ricky didn't even share a bed and you couldn't say pregnant on TV.

    We also talked about any sexual items we found while snooping in our parents or our friends parents room.  You know, books, Playboys etc...  Then we started to get grossed out and changed the subject.  There is nothing like picturing your parents having sex to ruin your appetite, even at our ages.  And the restaurant is REALLY good, so we wanted to eat.

   Totally off the subject, I think I am turning into one of those old people who just says what's on their mind, even if it's mean.  You know how mean old ladies are blunt and don't care if your feelings are hurt?  I am finding that my thoughts which used to be buried under my niceness are coming closer to the surface.  I think I might need to watch that.  Or maybe not, it could be very freeing.  Just thought I would mention that.  I don't know why.

  Anyway, after breakfast we were leaving and Karin was driving.  She pulled out of her spot and on both sides of her there was a person who wanted the spot.  The problem was Karin couldn't go anywhere unless one backed up.  That was NOT happening, because they were men and they were obviously competitive about the spot.  So Karin is yelling,  (even though we were the only ones who could hear her) things like "F you jerks, one of you has to back up, where am I supposed to go?"  And although I have a new found bitchiness I still avoid confrontation so I say "  just pull back in, they are getting mad, pull back in."  Instead she lays on her horn which is broken and does nothing.  So she yells out the window "  one of you has to move"  just when she is yelling that her horn goes off and keeps going off.  But not a continual beep, more like beep, beep, pause, beep, beep, pause, beeeep, beeep, pause, so then it seems like she is beeping at the people.  Now they are mad, because the one guy is backing up and he is glaring as if to say "  Okay lady get a grip, I'm moving."

  Diana and I are hysterically laughing at this point because she can't make it stop and everyone is getting all road rage on us.  We pull onto the road and everyone is glaring at her now.  You know how when someone beeps at you and you feel like you didn't do anything?  Or you know how you do make a mistake and someone lays on the horn and it startles you and you say " OKAY!  I made a mistake ass h#le, why don't you give me a heart attack?"  Well that's what I say at least.  Anyway, I am sure that's what the other drivers were thinking, because if looks could kill... 

  Finally, she pulled over and turned the car off and it still kept doing it, but when she turned the car back on it stopped. 

  Back to the beginning of this blog when I said we cut down other parents parenting skills.  You might think that's kind of bitchy, but seriously some parents?  And it's not like we say it to their faces or anything, and I'm sure we have all been talked about too.  And yeah, I guess that's sort of bad on a Sunday when we should be more Christian like, but I'm Jewish so really they are the ones who sinned really bad.   I'm pretty sure Jews are allowed to gossip, so until I hear differently...

   I feel bad for the Bush daughters.  It must suck to have everybody hate your dad, and have everybody celebrating the fact that your dad is almost out.  Diana and Karin and I decided the littlest Obama girl is going to be the type who says something embarrassing on the air.  Maybe how she caught her mommy and daddy doing it in the White House.  Well, I guess that's better than having your daddy do it with someone else in the White House.

  That's all I have guys.  Off to take my nap, this day has worn me out already.

  
  
  
  Obama Countdown
  created by James Miller

  • 7:55 pm
  • 16 Comments