April 30, 2009

  • When Pigs Fly...Swine Flu

    I have several reasons why I will probably get Swine flu

    1) I am pretty sure we have illegal Mexican people coming into my town.  I can't say this with with 100 % certainty but I am pretty sure it's true.

    2) I am pretty sure people who are at my grocery store have been to Mexico over spring break.  Again, I can't say this for a fact, but I am very intuitive that way.

    3)  We have a high Mexican population where I work and even though they have " closed" the campus AND have given the boys lectures about changing their underwear, it still might be seeping in.

    STOP:  I know, you want to know what changing underwear has to do with the swine flu.  I have no idea, but this morning I heard the director of Safeway telling the kids that there was a swine flu epidemic and they needed to take care of their personal hygiene such as changing their underwear.

    4)  I know real people who have real pigs AND they were in Florida over spring break and I think there were mexican people on the plane.

    5) We had several boys at work who got Merca when it was going around.  I did not get Merca but I did go to a doctor and ask if I had Merca and he was mean and said " I was listening to too much hype on the news."

    6) I only got the non pig flu once, but have had several bouts of stomache flu over the years and it wasn't pretty.

    So yeah, my chances look pretty dim.  On the upside I will get media attention and a lot of rest.  I don't think I'll actually die, because when I had the non pig flu that time I didn't even come close to dying, and it's supposedly the same thing.  I don't know why they call it something different, probably because a sneezing pig sounds kind of cute.

    So when you see me on the news, be kind, I am sick after all, and I don't usually look that crappy.

    I lied, I do always look that crappy, but still...

    I hope they have a lot of cable channels in isolation and decent food.  Oh and a lap top.  Do you think someone will send me a lap top because I have swine flu?  I hope so, because I want to be able to blog about it. 

    Anyway, I better stock up on canned goods and stuff, because I think your supposed to do that in these situations.  I'll get back to you soon. 

     

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