July 20, 2009

  • My Book

    Wow, I have not done one of these in awhile, but since I have time, I am doing a http://featured-grownups.xanga.com/ assignment.  If I were to write a book, what kind of book would I write?

    I am probably never going to write a book, but if I were to write one it would either be a memoir or short essays ( which would basically be the best of my xanga entries.)  Or possibly a How to live with your ex husband for dummies and your dumb for living with your ex husband.

    I have read quite a few memoirs and I think mine would actually be kind of interesting, I have had a lot of experiences that most nice Jewish girls from the suburbs don't get to experience, or nice any girls for that matter.  However, I am not sure a memoir is the way to go.  As the Million Little Pieces guy found out, you have to be pretty honest in a memoir.  And in order to keep it interesting you have to TELL ALL.  So if I were to say for example, someone sucked in bed, or that I never really did like so and so, that could cause problems.  Plus I am still hoping to get some money when my parents die.  It would be a risk to hope that alienating them in my childhood tell all, would be made up for in book royalties.  You may be wondering what my cool life experiences are, but I am still considering the memoir, so you'll have to wait. 

    The short essay book would be easy.  I would just have someone edit my Xanga and poof, book.  But would it sell?  I have been told here from time to time that I should write a book.  I always tell people if they can get an interested publisher, I will give them some of my profits.  So far no takers.  Basically, I am too lazy and definitely not secure enough to seriously pursue book writing.  There are so many people like Dave Sedaris, Erma Bombeck, Augustan Burroughs, and so many more who I can't even touch.  But I am always sincerely flattered when anyone suggests the book writing thing. 

    I am not sure about the Living with your ex dummies book.  So far I am the only one I know who is dumb enough to live with their ex husband.  And trust me, this is no easy living situation. 
    For example, this is a picture of something expunge ( ex husband) put on our kitchen sink



    Who does that?  I mean really does that not say it all?  I want to go in his bathroom and write flush here on the flusher since forgetting to flush is apparently a water saver, whereas the sponge thing is a crime against kitchen cleanliness all over the world. 

    The other day he was going to " kill"  Matt for not closing the brown sugar bag.  I said "  wow, strong word KILL, how come you didn't KILL him when he smashed up your car, or jumped off the roof and split his tongue open, or was messing around at the show choir competition and put his arm through a window, or when he made the fake Id's, or when he drove without a license, AND broke into the pool for a senior prank?  I could go on and on but that would be a book in itself, I think you get my point.   

    Of course, if I did write a book and it did actually sell, I would probably not live with my ex husband anymore, but then what would I write about for book two?  I don't think anyone wants to hear how I am now living it up by my pool and getting my much needed stomach removal surgery.

      But it sure would be nice to put the sponge wherever I damn well please.

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