August 16, 2009

• You're not that special

  The topic is: Why does it seem we are we becoming a society of people with malignant self love?

  http://featured-grownups.xanga.com/
  
  After first seeing the topic on the Featured Grown ups page, I commented that, it would be a hard question to answer, and I would have to give it some thought.  But as soon as I got off the computer I realized it was not hard at all, it was obvious, but I had no intention of going back and writing it then, so I'm here now.

  When I was a kid, not everyone got a trophy.  In fact, I can't think of one trophy or ribbon I got.   When my kids were little everyone got a trophy or a ribbon, just because. 

  When I was a kid we had consequences when we acted out, yes it is now unheard of, but I got spanked and yelled at.  I knew I was in trouble and I knew why. 

  When my kids were little if you did anything even close to that you were a bad parent, uneducated, and a child abuser.

  My art and homemade cards were saved and put on the fridge, but NOT EVERYTHING I made was framed and gushed over for an hour.

  My parents would say "  Oh, what a pretty picture, why don't you go put it on the refrigerator."  NOT, " OMG , Honey did you see what Laura drew?" " THIS could be in an art gallery, or an illustration for a book!"  They didn't frame it and display it in our living room for all their friends to see what was basically a scribble.

  As a society we always seem to go to the extremes.  A bunch of child experts must have decided that everyone of my generation has low self esteem.  So to make sure the next generation felt good about themselves, we now tell all kids, how great, how wonderful, how important they are.  Which is fine, to a degree.

  But as I said, we always go to extremes. 

  When my babies were born, we were no longer allowed to let them cry.  EVER, under any circumstances.  Every need was to be met, immediately. The "experts" said you can't spoil a baby, and I agree, but I really don't think a baby is going to be damaged because they cried for two min. And I'm pretty sure their self esteem would be intact.

  Kids are now allowed to have bottles until they are twenty, binkies until they're 25, and if they want to suck their thumb in 4th grade, they can.

  If a kid, any kid, acts out, is bratty, is a bully, says no, swears, is rude to adults etc.. they have ADD, ADHD, oppositional defiance disorder, OCD, Bi Polar, and a number of other disorders.

  Now I realize these disorders are legit.  I think I have some ADD myself.  However, NOT ALL kids have these things.  In fact it's probably a lot more rare than everyone thinks.  Oppositional Defiance Disorder?  "  Oh, he can't help it he was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder !"  OMG, the kid is rude, and spoiled.  Lets call it what it is!!

  Some of you know I work with court mandated youth.  Which means they cut a break and are in our facility instead of jail.  They are to receive " drug treatment", even though the strongest drug 90 % of them are on is marijuana.  Really they are there for another crime, like robbery. 

  Those 90 % complain non stop.  The snacks ( chips, cookies etc..) are "lame".  The fact that they are getting one on one attention in school means nothing, we don't see enough movies, they should be allowed to sleep, they get too much work, ( maybe two hours tops, with no homework), we don't take them on enough field trips, the food sucks ( I eat it, and a lot of it is home made salads that you would find at a family picnic). 

  If I dare to ask them to do something or have a " tone" I am disrespecting them and they tell their counselor, who 9 out of ten times, asks me how I, not the kid, could have done things differently.

  Kids, even " good" kids are openly rude to adults.  Often when the parent is sitting right there.  Kids are openly rude to their parents, in front of others no less.  The parent just sits there, not even embarrassed they are so used to it.  They say the kind of things that if I said them to my mother, I would be picking up my slapped face across the room. 

  I am continually shocked at how many times I am at a store and some young person slams a door in my face when entering or leaving a restaurant, or how no one bothers to ask if I need help when I am dropping all my stuff, or I can't open a door because my arms are full.  Or how no one says thank you when I hold the door for them.

  Young adults feel they are entitled to everything, because that's how they were raised.  They are special, they are great, it's all about them.  If they have a problem, everything must me dropped, it needs to be fixed, and fixed right now.  They can do whatever they want, no one is as smart as them, no one is as talented, don't encourage others, it's all about them.

  I tried to raise my kids to know that, yes, they were great, but they had to work for things.  And no, you don't get every part you want in the play.  And if you talk to my friends like you are talking to a peer, you may never talk again.  And the same goes for how you talk to me.  I am the mom, that's it. 

  And even though you do really suck at soccer, trophy or no trophy, you have a beautiful voice, and you are much nicer than that bratty goalie, which I promise will get you further in life. 

  I raised them to know that you don't have to like your teacher, but that's the teacher you have, so suck it up.  Unless they are hitting you, or humiliating you, we are not getting your class changed. 

  I don't care if EVERYONE has the $1,000.00 gaming system, we can't afford it, so sorry you got stuck with " poor" parents.

  And since you can now talk, go to the bathroom on a real toilet, and are a whiz at calculus, the bottle has to go.  Cry all you want, you'll get over it.

  Was I perfect? Not even close.  But I feel like for the most part, my grown children ( 20 and 22) are nice, hard working, respectful, young people and both have a desire to give back to the world they live in.

  Not perfect, but not spoiled, narcissistic, brats either.

  We as a society created these narcissistic monsters and I don't see it getting any better. 

  So that's my answer and I'm sticking to it.  Unless someone comes here and convinces me otherwise.

   

  • 2:44 pm
  • 42 Comments