January 28, 2010

• Independence Road and the art of making friends with new neighboors

  Edit:  Pictures of new place
  http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=143709&id=530676526&l=b88961b2ac

  So I moved.  Yep, I have been here since Wednesday and up until yesterday things were pretty boring.  Well if you don't count the major anxiety attack I got when I got lost on the way to closing.  It wasn't really the getting lost part that made it happen, it was more due to the fact that expunge was irritating me so much I felt I had to leave that min. 

  So I loaded up my little Subaru with everything I thought would fit.  No boxes of course, just clothes on hangers and giant couch cushions and other random items, just thrown in.  Well you would have to appreciate both my impatience and my poor organizational skills to understand not only how long it took me to pack the car when I had to be at closing, but also how it all ended up.  Add that to the fact that I was sure expunge who I will now call ex-pelled, was watching from the window judging and commenting to himself, which was driving me nuts.  I knew as soon as I was out in the snowy, dirty driveway, I had misjudged the size of the couch cushions, but I was going to get them in if it took me all day. Without getting them dirty and without bringing any items back in the house. And I did.  The problem was then I couldn't see out of my rear view mirror or the side mirror.  This didn't bother me, but then I got paranoid I was going to get a ticket, got lost, got anxiety attack.

  Anyway, it all worked out and my wonderful friends Wayne, Sharon, and their son Duke ( not their real names) helped me move the rest of my stuff and wallah!  I'm free.  Independent, together, and very cool. 

  I even put a little computer cart/desk together in about 10 hours and it only wobbles sometimes.  And I almost walked around nude, after a hot bath, once I got water ( thanks new town water dept. for turning it off after I paid), but changed my mind. 

  So now I am waiting for my new neighbors to bring me cookies and welcome me to the building.  There are three of us, it's a four unit building.  The person across the hall from me, who I am assuming is a man, because size 15 shoes have been sitting outside his door since I got here, is never around.  I have not seen him once.  No noise, nothing.  I was beginning to get a little worried, when SHE came into my life.

  SHE, ( I'll call her the crazy bitch) appeared after I had my first guest over.  My friend, who I'll call Diane because that's her name, inadvertently parked in front of crazy bitches garage.  It was an honest mistake, since she had never been here and I just moved.  Also, the garages are all next to each other in a row, with a sort of common driveway. 

  Diane and I were having a nice chat about my cute little place when we hear the buzzer go off like 10 times in a row.  Can I just say crazy bitch could have easily walked down the stairs and knocked on the door, but instead choose to go outside and buzz me to death.  Then...

  Me in friendly tone:  Hi, can I help you?
  
  Crazy bitch in beyond furious, shaking, and screaming:  Tell your friend to move!!!!!!!  This is a private drive!  Move, now, it's private!  Tell your guests this is a private driveway!!!!!
  
  Me in freaked out tone:  Oh, umm, sorry I just moved here and...

  Crazy Bitch:  Move it NOW!!!!!!

  Diane in friendly tone:  Hi, do you need me to move my car?

  Crazy bitch:  Yes!!!!!!!!  Yes!!!!!!!!  Move it now!!!!!!!  NOW!!!!  Tell your guests this is a private drive.
  
  Me sort of pissed off now :  OKAY?  wow, I'll be sure to do that.

  You may be thinking that maybe crazy bitch had to go to the hospital or something, or maybe the drug store to get her crazy meds.  Maybe she needed to rush out and get laid.  But NO, she went nowhere, we looked.

  Her craziness was solidified when Diane and I noticed a no smoking sign on her door.  This was not a cute little quilt thing that said, "Thanks for not smoking"  or  "hey I have asthma can you not smoke."  No, it looked like this.

  

   
  Okay, Crazy bitch, if you don't want your guests to smoke in your condo, just tell them.  And frankly I would be shocked if she had any guests, so it's really a moot point.  The sign is ugly and overkill.

  I can't remember what she looked like but these images are close

  

  
  or was it this

  

  So I guess I'm not getting any lemon squares and an invitation to the building welcome tea.  Big shoes could be dead in there for all I know, and obviously crazy bitch and I had a little neighborly dispute.

  Maybe in a few days, she will bring me a tuna casserole and apologize for being a crazy bitch.  She'll tell me how her husband cheated on her with a younger woman, and that her menopause has made her psycho.   She will beg me to be her friend and tell me to park in front of her garage all I want.  We will exchange keys and gossip about big shoes.  But for now I have told everyone to park in the street five miles away and DO NOT accidentally buzz her, and when I buzz them in they should run, not walk to my door.
    Which by the way will have this sign on it

  

  • 8:35 pm
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