December 29, 2010

• Thank You For Dumping Me

  I know back again so soon?  What can I say I'm bored.

  
  

  So my sister says to me the other day " Everyone gets you look so much better now that you no longer live with expelled."

  
  

  And, well, pictures don't lie.

  
  

   

  POST living alone. I am the one in the middle (duh)

  

  
  

  Here I am PRE living alone, when I lived with expelled below

  

  Does this look like anyone who is happy living with their ex-husband?  No!  Tried to do side by side but it didn't work.  But here is one after another.

  
  

  

   

  I even cropped it to close up.

   

  
  

  Ok, you probably think I am trying to skew this comparison study to go my way by choosing a crappy photo and a sort of good one.  So here are some more.  These are just random photos taken from Facebook.  Before and after.  Or After and before.

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  

  

     

  You be the judge.

  I feel like I could do one of those commercials where I say "  Do you look and feel like shit?  Are you so unhappy, you don't even know your unhappy?"  Well you may be suffering from living with your ex husband.  Then I can show the before and after pictures.

  Of course the cure is to just leave, but I could make up a whole program of steps, and supplements, and charge a lot of money. I'm not sure how common living with your ex husband is and some of these photos may have been taken pre divorce.

  But I could make it work.  Maybe it will just be straight out living with a man who is bad for you.

  I mean I guess I shouldn't actually blame expelled.  But come on?  And it's not just the hair either.

  
  

  Obviously I was not happy, but no one bothered to say "  hey, you're fat, you look like shit."

  
  

  Not that I would ever say that to someone, but I wish someone would have said it to me.

   Of course I would never have spoken to them again, so I wish it was someone I wanted to dump anyway.

  
  

  I also learned it was common knowledge that people, relatives and friends alike, thought expelled was condescending and rude to me.  Thanks for the heads up.

  
  

   But I am getting off topic here.

  
  

  One of the things expelled hated was my use of legal, prescribed, medications.  Yes, some of these were actually anti REALLY unhappy drugs, but I think drugs are a huge part of the recovery process.  Besides, I am more drugged up now than I ever was living with anti drug jerk, and think I looked like I was on that stuff that makes you catatonic.  So drugs are going to be part of my program for sure.

  
  

   

  I also have a gay friend. And that has been helpful too.  I think that is going in my program.  He will hate that I brought up the gay part, he thinks it's a non issue, but it isn't a non issue, because he is male and I am female, and straight female and male friends can't be best friends.

  
  

   Unless one is ugly.

  
  

     In a heterosexual situation if either person finds the other one attractive in any way, shape or form, there is going to be sexual tension and desire.  I don't think a male and female heterosexual friendship ONLY is possible, if there is any chance for a sexual relationship to develop.  I have had this argument with people and I just don't think it's possible unless it's surface friendship not a real, deep, connection, friendship.

  
  

   

  But my friendship with my gay friend is very real and to be honest it's sort of like having an interim boyfriend.   And that can be very helpful in the healing process.  No sex is involved, which is good, because sex complicates matters. But I still get a male companion and a guy voice to talk to and a male person to look at across a table.

  
  

   One downside is I am second to his partner, and that is kind of a drag, but then again my stupid, female, married friends, put their husbands first too.  Which frankly seems somewhat archaic, but their relationships work, so maybe that's the key.  Anyway... 

  
  

  I think it's important as you are transcending into the hot, "OMG she has changed so much", person you can be, you cannot date.

  Dating only holds you back.  There are expectations, and rules, when dating. Insecurities are raised especially if you are doing it.  I can't worry about  the flatness of my stomach in missionary position, when I have  so many other things to focus on. I can't wonder if it was bad I was drooling over the hot waiter at dinner.  I can't wish I had plucked my eyebrows before going out.  It's just a lot of work.

  
  

   So getting a gay friend solves a lot of issues and I have just decided that is definitely going in the program.  Of course not all gay men are alike, trust me there are some gay losers out there, I know them, but if you find a good one, you are set.  I would list my criteria in the packet.

  
  

  Down the line I  don't want to be viewed as  the old lady who everyone suspects is either a lesbian, or a live man repellent.  But I really think going slowly is the best choice, for at least a year.  I know it seems like a long time, but people will thank me as I am signing my book, Thank You For Dumping Me, I'm Cute Now.

  
  

  For now I think I will just take it day by day, enjoy living alone, being free, and continue to browse.   And browsing can be a lot of fun, and let me tell you ladies, your gay boyfriend will not only be okay with this, he'll encourage it.  
  

  It's perfect. 

    

  
  

  
  

  • 8:45 am
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