January 29, 2011

• Is your State disgusting? Read here!

  Every other day at work, we show the news for the first hour.  Alternate days are gym days.  Today was a news day.  Now when I say news I am sort of using the term loosely.  No offense to anyone at CNN, but we watch the watered down version with Robin Meade.  Why you ask?  Well on an average we have 10, presumably, heterosexual, teen age boys. 

   

   

   

   

   

  The boys think she's hot, and that limits some of the sleeping and complaining.  And the "news" is pretty watered down and tolerable to them.  As it is we have to explain half of it, like the stock market, and what a senator is. 

   

  Well today was a great news day, and it prompted discussion almost all day.  Today we learned, via hot Robin, that every state has something they are the worst at or should be ashamed of.

   

  http://pleated-jeans.com/2011/01/24/the-united-states-of-shame-chart/

   

  Feel free to click on the link and check out your state.  Actually, this would have been a non issue had we just watched the news.  They really only mentioned that Connecticut  had the highest rate of breast cancer and Hawaii and California had the highest cost of living, neither of which the boys cared about.

   

   But after the news was over I was curious about Illinois. Big mistake.  We found out the great land of Lincoln is know for highest amounts of robbery.  The boys were thrilled.  You would have thought we were voted the best state in the U.S. based on their reactions.  I could tell a lot of their pride was due to the fact that they were huge contributors to our infamous robbery label. After they got over their excitement over the robbery thing, they started to look at the other states.  I think they wanted to make sure no one else beat us in the great crime of robbery.  That's when it happened.

   

   I will be quoting so cussing/swearing will be used in the dialog below.  In other words I will be dropping the F bomb.

   

   

   

  Boy one  " Holy shit, Washington is known for bestiality"

   

  Boy two  " That's fucked up" " I bet Obama want to come back to Chicago"

   

  Me " No it's Washington State, not DC. we have two Washingtons and watch your language"  " Wait does it really say that?"  

   

  And to my shock, sure enough, Washington State is known for having the most incidences of bestiality.  We then get into a deep, intellectual discussion on the merits of this study.  I wondered how they know the bestiality is occurring.  I find it doubtful that even in an anonymous survey  anyone would admit that.  And who would ask that on a survey anyway?

   

  Question one - Have you ever committed a robbery?

   

  Question two- Have you ever had sex with an animal, and by that we mean a real animal, a non human, like a bear or tiger?

   

   

  Then I casually mention they probably get the results from crime data.  And then I make my second mistake of the day, I ask " Wait is that a crime?"  

   

  Okay, I'm sorry, but how am I supposed to know?  I don't live in Washington, I don't know anyone who has sex with animals or was arrested for it.  
  

   

  Well you would have thought I just admitted to doing it myself.  I was told " WHAT?  Miss Laura, of course that be a crime, that shit messed up"  " You're eyes just got real big, is you worried about being arrested?"

   

  Completely inappropriate, but kind of hard to do anything about it, when the teacher is laughing so hard he is almost rolling on the floor.

   

  I inform them that that is disgusting, and furthermore, I don't own any pets, so ha! 

   

    Not only that, I have never even had the desire to go to the state of Washington.  I said I was pretty sure it rained a lot there, at least in Seattle.   And a lot of rain gives me a sinus headaches.

   

   It was then decided that due to the large amounts of rain, people didn't want to leave their houses to find a sexual partner and so they did it with their pets. Which we all agreed was wrong on so many levels, and thought it was sad the pet couldn't testify in court.

   

  At this point, you all may be thinking, what kind of F'd up classroom do you work in?  Well first, it's pretty F'd up, but I blame this whole thing on hot Robin.  

   

  No one was interested in discussing Clark Howard's warning about collection companies going after the wrong people, which I actually found quite interesting.  

   

  Of course they hate Clark, and ask why we can't "fast forward through the lame."

   

  

   

   

   

  Personally I enjoy his money tips even if I don't follow any of them, and they are better than Susie Orman on Oprah, who freaks me out because she says the economy won't be better unti 2014.

   

  So this is my life, always something.  Who would have thought I would be discussing bestiality with anyone much less students.  I did look, I think Washington only has 4 cases, but hey Washingtonians  that's more than Illinois.

   

    

   

   Louisiana,watch the gonorrhea

   

  And North Dakota, ugliest residents, ouch, well we can't all be beautiful. 

   

  At least we can work on our robbery issue.  The looks?  Not so much.

   

  • 4:02 am
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