April 5, 2011
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Divorce Court, Always a good time
What a nice welcome back, thanks for making me feel crappy about my xanga rant post you guys.
You people sure showed me.
A friend of mine wants me to call expelled, expunged again, so I say hey, "why not"? Expunged it is. About a month ago we had to return to divorce court. Long story short, my bitch of a lawyer, who flirted with my brother in law, and acted like I was insane for tearing up on my divorce date, roped us into being forced to hire her lawyer friend, to split an annuity fund. Lawyer friend is like $400.00 an hour. Now I have attorneys in my family, including my dad, so no lawyer bashing allowed. Unless you are talking about the bitch who charged me like $75.00 for an E mail saying " your next court date is ____.
So we go and since we are representing ourselves in this matter ( getting lawyer friend removed) we are last on the docket. I really don't care, I took a personal day, and am going to make the most of it. But expunged? Well lets just say I remembered another reason we are divorced.
Expunged: Great, we're going to be last. They always take the people with Lawyers first. This sucks, what a waste of time. Big sigh.
Me: shhhh, this is a good one, listen, omg, he is getting totally bitched out by the judge.
Expunged: Yeah, ya wanna know why Laura? Because he called an emergency court date and the judge is saying he is wasting everyones time, it's not a valid emergency. He is wasting OUR time.
Me: Well I hardly think the ex wife touching his little boy's pee pee is a waste of time, that sounds like an emergency to me.
Expunged: The guy is lying for one, he never called DCFS, or the police he just calls an emergency court date? And did you hear the wife's attorney? He does this ALL the time. You are so naive sometimes, what time is it?
Me: I am not naive, I believe the child. If a kid tells you that, you're supposed to believe them.
Expunged: The kid isn't here, the kid never said that, and if he did it was in reference to a bath or something, he didn't call the authorities, he called an emergency court date and that's why the judge is yelling at him.
Me: well I feel bad, he is from Russia or something I don't think he gets it. AND he has no car to see his kids, that's sad.
Expunged: I'm going for a walk
Me: Fine, if they call us, don't come crying to me if you aren't here
Ten minutes later he is back
Expunged : well I see we weren't called like I said, you can count on at least another hour. Singed in 9:00 am. on the dot, not that that matters.
Me: Omg, quit being a baby and enjoy this, see the guy up there now? Coke Problem. And she is making him sell the boat.
Expunged: Who cares?
Me: Well, he seems to care, he seems pissed, I bet he's still doing coke even though he dropped clean, I can tell how he is fidgeting. And sniffing.
Expunged: Exasperated sigh, our thing is going take two min, just watch, and these people will be up there for hours arguing about a boat.
Me: No, the coke thing too, they have kids, you know this could be really entertaining if you would just listen.
Expunged: You're sick, I'm going for another walk.
Ten Min later he is back
Me: Omg, Expunged, you missed the best one yet. This one couple was totally accusing the other one of horrible stuff with the kids. They are regulars and then they get back together and do it again, the judge and everyone knew of them. The kids gardian ad litem basically said they both make her sick.
Expunged: You know when you filed this, you should have put you were a lawyer, this is bull shit, why is our time less valuable than the attorneys?
ME: Ok, yeah, Like I wouldn't have gotten busted for that, you need to chill, do you want a Xanax? I brought a couple because I knew I was going to see you today.
Expunged: Nice Laura, say that a little louder, offer me your prescription, controlled, substance in a court room, good idea. What the hell time is it? I really hate this system, it's the principle ya know. Fidget, sigh, Wait? Why do you need Xanax to see me? I'm fine, do I stress you out? Omg, there goes another one, I swear they signed in after us, way after, I am pissed.
Me: No, Expunged you don't stress me out at all.
Anyway, we were almost last, and it was almost three hours, but I saw him watching Judge Judy when she first came on the air and he kind of liked it. Pretty hypocritical if you ask me. Our thing did take less than three min. But really, some people need to be patient.
The grocery store line is another story, but divorce court? Always a good time.
Comments (29)
Now this is one thing I'll never have to deal with. Unless I move to Spain, Belgium, Holland or Canada.
You are just too funny! I love that you can have fun in divorce court. I was used to "expunged" as well.
With any luck, I will only ever be a spectator of those proceedings.
Good on you for making the most of it.
When I got divorced, my lawyer, who thinks he is the smartest guy in every room, told me what courtroom to be at. I was there on time. After about 45 minutes, I see lawyer walking around hollering my name. I say, "over here," He says "Where the hellhave you been? court started 45 minutes ago." I'm right here where you told me to be, I say.
Then he yells at me for being in the wrong place and now we will have to wait until every case is called before I get my turn. Moron.
Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. I appreciate it. I like reading your stuff. You have a cool sense of humor.
@hevcoh - well,I would suggest not moving to any of those places then
@comet555 - FINE with the expunged Geeze, jk. @Automaton_Emotion - well thanks, I saw no need to be a Debbie Downer ha ha
@flatpick46 - Lawyers, You can't live with them, and you hpe you don't have to. You are very welcome for the sto by and I will try and do it more often. Thank you for the compliment, If you like me you must have a cool sense of humor too.
LOL! Sure sounds like a great time! I could have used some Xanax this past weekend with my husband.
sometimes it helps to be reminded of why they're expunged (and expelled)
@gottobereal64 - I hear ya, wish I had it when we were married.
@dianestickler - why are you up?
Court is so always more fun than it's worth.
@twoberry - very true
it's all about your attitude- you can have fun anywhere! and you prove it once again!
Yep... sure sounds like a typical dad and mom convo.
lol! it had never occurred to me how entertaining divorce court could be..
"...do you want a Xanax? I brought a couple because I knew I was going to see you today." I LOVE IT!!!!!!
I would have totally been people-watchin with you. I am so nosey!!
I divorced my husband over 18 years ago. He decided he didn't want to pay child support so a few years ago I filed on him (after he did 2 different terms in prison for drugs).
We got letters 2 weeks ago fo "Child Support Negotiations". WTF? He called in and is allowed a telephone conference. I call to do the same. I was told that at least ONE of us has to be there and he already requested the phone conference. WTF (again)? He is the one $51,000 behind and I am the one who has to miss a day of work and drive to downtown Dallas.
I think they are going to ask me to drop the arrears or drop the interest or something. ha. Eff him. I'm taking MY xanax and saying "hell no". : )
(my girls are 21 and 24 now, but he is still paying the back support plus interest)
That sounds like a barrel full of fun.
@jerjonji - exactly!
@sincerely_jennie - yep
@inadee - who would have thunk it : )
@Low_Mom - Oh for sure, he owes you don't let it slide.
@manic_lizard - A blast
Sounds like you know how to have fun!
@onestepcloserto_perfection - Yep that's me, good time laura
Expunged sounds mellow. Mr. OBL would be making me nuts freaking OUT.
@ordinarybutloud - Actually he is, but he's passive aggressive, so... And if I was bitchingback, instead of being sort of fun, he would have not been Mellow.. I just not how to manage him.
Dear Laura,
Loved the "boob" story below. I see it was a pretty popular Xanga entry. I guess you're back up in the stratosphere as a Xangalebrity again, leaving us plebes down here to get our usual 15 or so comments.
That cat seemed a bit small to me.
Love your conclusion here. I kept thinking to myself: I've seen this TV show! At least you enjoy yourself people watching in court. Expunged, pelled, whatever is a bit of a stuffed shirt.
However I couldn't help but laugh at his remark that you were attempting to give him a controlled substance in court. That is something I'd do. A few years ago I was driving one of my ex girlfriends home and she was talking to her dad on her cell. She offered to me to talk to him and I told her it was against the law for a driver to talk on a cell phone.
Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
Sounds complicated... the courts must have difficult times with all the cases they need to deal with.
I think divorce court would be entertaining and somewhat depressing to listen in on... I didn't have to do that, we did our own papers and he signed the waiver that said I could make the decisions on that day... so I went in, the judge said, "is all this right?" I said yep, and it was done. Easy Peasy.... just wish I could've slipped in an amendment about being a shit dad gives me cause to kick him in the nuts... shoot...missed out on that one.
@Low_Mom - Don't you DARE let one single cent be forgiven... bastard.
@baldmike2004 - Thanks for liking my boobs, and of course boobs are going to be popular!!! I hardlythink I'm m me back into it, it's fun
You non rule breakers are a drag ( JK) thanks for all your helping getting @Zeal4living - Well yes, of course it's serious, and maybe I shouldn't make light of it, but that's what I do. As I said in my intro blog, I don't really right serious things most often, so...@BubblysLife - It's like a good reality show in person ha ha
I never considered divorce court as entertainment, but you do make it sound kind of fun. Do they allow popcorn?
@transvestite_rabbit - I never did either until I went there. Popcorn, humm, I'm not sure, they don't seem to pay much attention to the people in the " audience'" so probably.
I remember when I was a noob on Xanga and one of the first blogs I read was your blog about checking yourself into a facility because you had needed a break and they wouldn't let you out. I love you and your style, easy for me to say since I don't have to live with you! I'm rarely on Xanga now, too, and I always come here for some humor. I STILL think you should publish your blogs - without editing. And I think you could transition to an advice columnist if you ever give up the gangsta wannabes. You could start with court advice Like this: My hubby comes home for lunch every day just so he can sleep with Judge Judy. Should I be worried?
Oh dear.
@Owain_Gwynedd - ha ha ha, oh thanks so much, you have made my night, maybe even my weekend. @bluemarsupial - I know right?