You all know I shy away from controversial topics for the most part.  But I'm going to have a gander at this topic, albeit somewhat untimely.  By untimely I mean a lot of people consider this so last week.  But I am going to discuss the Sarah Palin, Dave Letterman thing. Insert scary music here.

First let me be the first to admit I can't stand Sarah Palin.  She comes off as arrogant and self righteous to me.  She does not seem to consider any views but her own and frankly she kind of makes me sick.  

As for Dave, don't watch his show.  It's on too late and I don't find any of those late night guys to be THAT funny anyway.  Give me Ellen anytime.  Of course I heard the now infamous joke and I thought it was in poor taste and offensive.  As a mom I totally got why Sarah was offended.  And since I try and pride myself on not being a hypocrite, I was all for the firing of Imus, so I guess it wouldn't bother me if Dave got fired too.

What does bother me is the words being thrown around about Dave, including things said by the Palins.  Like I said, I'm a mom, I would be pissed if I was Sarah and whatever his name is.  Personally, I think it crosses a line whenever you bring the kids into these jokes.  Poor Amy Carter and Chelsea Clinton, geeze it's amazing they have any self esteem.  But I digress, calling Dave Letterman a pervert, a pedophile, a verbal child abuser is just absurd. 

Child sexual abuse is a serious issue in this country and some may argue that that's why this joke was so awful.  And I might even agree to some extent, however Dave Letterman is no more of a child sex offender than I am.  I mean really people, can we be real here?

Come on, accusing this man of being on equal footing as some of the most horrendous people on the planet?  THAT to me negates the Palins and other peoples legitimate gripe about the " joke". 

People just always have to go to the extreme with this crap and make themselves look like idiots.  If Sarah and fans called for the firing of Dave and want to boycott his sponsors,  hey, have at it.  They have every right to do that and may even be justified.  But to malign  this mans character to the degree they are, is just as or even more offensive to me than the joke itself.

True pedophiles are people that are attracted to children sexually, real child abusers rape children on a daily basis.  David Letterman does NOT fit this category and to say he does is beyond unfair.  And to do it to promote a political agenda is even more disgusting to me. 

You lost, try again in four years, let it go, I did for the last eight.  Can we just be somewhat normal here? 

If I make a joke about murder, is that in bad taste?  Yes.  Should I have to say sorry?  Again, Yes.  Should I be fired if I am a late night talk show host?  Maybe.  Do I have a warped sense of humor?  Yep.  Does it mean I am promoting murder and am a murderer myself?  No!

And since Dave letterman is NOT going to be fired, and his sponsors are not dropping him, you can cry not fair, but please don't cry David Letterman is a rapist.   It just makes you sound stupid.

Feel free to disagree here, I am opening myself up by actually giving an opinion for once.

From time to time I get on the computer at work and I will find a letter from one of the boys to their girl or home or whatever.  Since I have some new subs and have not talked about work in awhile, here is the scoop.  I work as a teachers aide at a residential treatment center for adolescent boys.  I call them the bad boys.  Anyway, to give you a window into my job, here is a recent letter from one homie to another.  So I don't violate any confidentiality the names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

  


Dear Carlos
Wattup nigga it's Juan ( Juice), I heard you've been on the block bustin out.  That's wassup, but be careful and remember to try not to snooze.  You know a lot of people wana kill TS niggas.  I'm a be getting out in July, I'm getting a pass 8-12 on June 7th my b-day, write me backk, let me know what's goin on with you, what's been goin on in little village, your block, whatever, and let me know if you want to kick it on my pass, Jose and Beth are coming on Saturday to bring our families to the back 40. Hall at me, I've been on level 3, I'm on dish crew, challenge 7 pt. 2, etc, so I'm doin good, a couple of new kkings have came, but got terminated in less than 3 days for boxin it out wit some gay donuts.  INSANE CULLERTON DUCE LOVE NIGGA AMOR FROM 21.JB A.K.A. Juice
From me to you,
INSANE TO INSANE
Juan.

I speak a little gangsta ( not much) so I'll try and interpret. 

Dear Carlos,
How are you?  Juan here, aka. Juice.  I have heard you are participating in gang activities in the neighborhood.  I really approve of that, but please be careful, there are a lot of enemies who dislike your gang and want to kill you.  I am completing my treatment in July and I have earned a pass for 8 - 12 hours for my birthday on June 7th : ) Please write me back and let me know what's been going on at home or anything else you want to share.  Also, let me know if you would like to get together on my pass.  Jose and Beth are coming to visit me on Saturday.  We will be having all of our families go to the field in the far back of the facility for visits.  Talk to me.  I have been doing well in treatment, I have a job washing dishes and or/serving and have been on high behavioral levels.  I am working in the Challenge seven series for my drug addiction and am currently on challenge 7 part 2 : ).  Some of our fellow gang members were in treatment with me at Safeway.  Unfortunately,  they were kicked out within three days, because they fought with some boys, that are not members of our gang.

Crazy, amazing, goodbye, with love,
Juan

It's actually quite touching don't you think?

Topic one for today, my new cell phone.  So I got a new cell phone, pain in the ass to get too.  It was a week before I was " allowed" to buy a new one unless I wanted to pay a million dollars, so of course I had words with the mentally challenged guy at the store.  Plus expunge had to come in and show his license, since supposedly my knowledge of his social security #, date of birth, and sexual preferences were not enough to prove I was on the account.   Something about identity theft, which by the way, steal mine, it's fine by me.  But don't think you'll be too happy with it.

So after much talking screaming, I got my new phone at a reasonable price.  Anyway, new phone has a AT&T version of GPS.  At first I was beyond thrilled.  I AM for sure the most directionally challenged person I know.  Seriously, if you called me directionally retarded I would not be offended.  So I use it to get home from work, just to see if it works, and yes, it does.  Then I used to to go to an unfamiliar place and already I start to get annoyed. 

Lady who sounds the same as the lady who tells you to press one and say things she is sorry she didn't understand, gives the directions.  This lady gets around, I mean she is on the movie phone, electric company, bank, she works everywhere.  Anyway, she is the one giving the directions.

Lady: Checking traffic now

Me:  cool

Lady:  Turn right on Park street

Me:  Okay

Lady: checking traffic now

Me:  cool

Me:  What the hell this traffic sucks, I thought you were checking it!

Lady:  Turn right on Park Street

Me:  I will when I get out of this friken traffic jam, can you just shut up ( I turn up radio loud)

I approach not Park street but Il rt. 1 something

Lady:  Turn right now

Me:  wait you said Park Street, are you sure?

I turn

Lady:  Checking traffic

Me:  yeah, right, heard that one before.

It just went on and on.  The miracle of having the lady on the phone, who also works for my bank AND everywhere else in the US.  giving me directions from anywhere USA, has lost it's magic.  I don't like her and I don't like her ways.

Just like my DVR.  in the end it always disappoints, even though I lived fine without it, I am livid if it does not work one time.

Topic 2:

Jon and Kate plus 8.  I never watch the show, but I really think Jon needs to have an affair with Octo mom.  Lets just take these reality shows to a new level.  Should I write Jon with my suggestion?  Or Octo mom?  I think she would jump at the chance since apparently she hates Kate for dissing her on Dr. Phil.

Topic 3:  That sick, sick mom who is " friends" with a child molester and does not seem to give a crap that her 5 year old daughter is missing. 
Really, why can't we sterilize people? 

Topic 4:  Why is it that EVERY TIME I check what is on the Maurry Povich show it is who's your baby daddy.  EVERY TIME!  Is that all he does now?  didn't he used to have teen boot camp or something?  I liked those, they made the little juvies cry.

 Topic 5:  Last but not least, Jennie who is maid of honor for her best friend from 4th grade had a bachelorette party for her at our house.  A small penis whistle was left here.  Neither one of my kids will take a picture of me blowing the whistle and don't want it to be my profile picture.  Rude children I have.

So there you have it five blogs in one.  Hope people are still interested, I have been a BAD xangan for sure.

I have several reasons why I will probably get Swine flu

1) I am pretty sure we have illegal Mexican people coming into my town.  I can't say this with with 100 % certainty but I am pretty sure it's true.

2) I am pretty sure people who are at my grocery store have been to Mexico over spring break.  Again, I can't say this for a fact, but I am very intuitive that way.

3)  We have a high Mexican population where I work and even though they have " closed" the campus AND have given the boys lectures about changing their underwear, it still might be seeping in.

STOP:  I know, you want to know what changing underwear has to do with the swine flu.  I have no idea, but this morning I heard the director of Safeway telling the kids that there was a swine flu epidemic and they needed to take care of their personal hygiene such as changing their underwear.

4)  I know real people who have real pigs AND they were in Florida over spring break and I think there were mexican people on the plane.

5) We had several boys at work who got Merca when it was going around.  I did not get Merca but I did go to a doctor and ask if I had Merca and he was mean and said " I was listening to too much hype on the news."

6) I only got the non pig flu once, but have had several bouts of stomache flu over the years and it wasn't pretty.

So yeah, my chances look pretty dim.  On the upside I will get media attention and a lot of rest.  I don't think I'll actually die, because when I had the non pig flu that time I didn't even come close to dying, and it's supposedly the same thing.  I don't know why they call it something different, probably because a sneezing pig sounds kind of cute.

So when you see me on the news, be kind, I am sick after all, and I don't usually look that crappy.

I lied, I do always look that crappy, but still...

I hope they have a lot of cable channels in isolation and decent food.  Oh and a lap top.  Do you think someone will send me a lap top because I have swine flu?  I hope so, because I want to be able to blog about it. 

Anyway, I better stock up on canned goods and stuff, because I think your supposed to do that in these situations.  I'll get back to you soon. 

I called a gastric Bypass surgeon.
 Here is the conversation with the nurse

Me:  Hi, I'm fat and have diabetes, so I want some information on Gastric Bypass, but if I can't have that I'll take the lap band thing.  Oh, I also kind of have sleep Apnea too.  I mean not really bad, but bad enough, coupled with my restless leg thing I really get very little sleep.  So yeah, I need to have surgery.

Nurse:  Okay, lets get some information, first lets calculate your BMI, weight and height please

Me:  I give weight and height it's none of your business ( meaning whomever is reading this) but I told her the truth

Nurse:  Your BMI is 29 which is not good.

Me:  Cool!  That's Obese right?  So when can I have the surgery and how long will I have to miss work?  When can we get the tummy cut?

Nurse:  Well, actually it's at the high end of being overweight, but you do have diabetes so you MIGHT be a candidate for the lap band, you would have to call your insurance though.  Usually, in a case like this they want 6 months of proof that you tried other methods like diet and exercise.  Weight Watchers and ...

Me:  6 months!!!!!  No, you see it's April and I need to look hot this summer so I can find a new lover and leave my ex husband that I live with.  Besides I COULD diet and work out and I COULD lose it on my own, but I would just get lazy and gain it back.  Well not lazy, but tired and hungry.  And  trust me I have been there done that, I don't think I have the energy to do it again.

Fine, I didn't say that exactly, but something along those lines

Nurse:  This isn't an easy way to lose weight, if that's what your thinking and you really are on the boarder, even with the diabetes.  And of course the doctor would have to see you...

Me:  Of course it's easy, you go in the hospital, you get rerouted or something, or you get a rubber band to tie your tummy up, and you get full after eating a pea.  This, as opposed to sweating and starving. My ex neighbor got it and she looks GREAT!  So sign me up.

I lied again, I didn't say that, but I did indicate that exercise was a drag.  I also may have intimated that I thought the doctor could tell a little fib and pretend I have been on a regimented exercise plan and diet for the last six months and she may have intimated that was unethical.

 Bitch. 

Then she asked if I might want to make an appointment and actually be examined and see the doctor.  It was then that I realized I had shown my hand and she would probably tell the doctor that I was fat because I was lazy and had no self discipline and only wanted surgery because I thought knew it was easier.   Which was and is totally not true.

Bitch.

Needless to say I did not make an appointment. 

Not only that, but another bitch at the insurance company said you have to be morbidly obese to qualify.

I guess I'll just have to eat a few more big macs.

or actually get off my ass.

See you at McDonalds folks.  Yum...

The other day I had to drive a kid an hour and a half so he could take a placement test at the college near his home.  We listened to rap the whole way there and back.  It was hell, but it was better than talking to him because after five min.  I ran out of things to say.  He tried to explain the wonderment of rap and how it had to say something meaningful, this was after I said "  I could write this shit"  " it's stupid and not music"  So I might have offend a bit.  Anyway, I stand by that and to prove it, I wrote a rap called Homemaker rap. I wrote this while waiting for the kid during his testing.  Granted it's not quite as sophisticated as some of the lyrics I heard earlier like #$#$#$, and $%$#@#$ and*&%^&*.  However, I think it's a good first try.

What up mama goin out with my gurls tonight it's my deal gotta take flight
( insert baby crying here) baby pooped her pants mama gona rant
mothers helpers and my special Juice box, my life sucks ain't eaten no Lox
cleanin up puke
microwave is nucked
 I got style and I car pool
basically I am a nigga fool
flippin weight..the scale don't lie
( insert baby crying here) you made me fat it ain't the pie
thats why I go to weight watchers and shit
don't wana work out don't wana get fit
used to be a playa
what you gota saya
you come home with your brief case on
these brats done kill me wana play Mahjong
don't give a frik about your job
I made your bed don't want to hob nob
screw them other broads, you made it known who your wife was
( insert screaming kids here) ( in weird techno voice) cleaning toilets just because
before this crap
when you was cool
and I wanted to do you fool
( insert daytime soap theme song here) I'm just gona vacuum
cleanin up the gloom and doom
It don't help
cause my boobs are like pancakes
and the neighbors are big fat fakes
You don't make enough dough
I'm feelin real low
I need a new ride
get your asses outside
Chucky Cheese is the best
givin mama a rest
( insert song from Chucky cheese saying F word over and over)
Shoot me now homie drinkin from my juice box
the dryer ate all the socks
I am just a house wife
( insert big bird saying the F word over and over in techno voice)

ps. Sorry for the Long absence, I have been BUSY!!!!!!

Hey it's been awhile.  I made slight edits to this post and therefore I am changing the time stamp.  Sue me.

  So I don't like when people call themselves Jews for Jesus.  I mean pick a team ya know?  You don't ever hear about Buddhists for Jesus or Muslims for Jesus.  It's like bisexuals.  All these people think they can have their cake and eat it too.  People need to learn they can't have it all.  When someone says they are a Jew for Jesus I want to say " you're Christian, which is fine, but Jesus is kind of the deal breaker in being a Jew.  It's an oxymoron.

Speaking of Jews.  The local high school is doing Fiddler on the Roof and the main characters are definitely NOT Jewish.  The dad is a nice Hispanic boy and the mom is a waspy blond girl who's parents are pig farmers of all things.  Another oxymoron.  Or at least something along those lines.  I have offered Jew lessons for $20.00 an hour but really have not seen a lot of interest.  Hopefully, they will see the need and call.

I have a confession, I have been tempted to park in the expectant mother parking space.  You don't need a sticker and they don't give you a pregnancy test.  I would only do it on principle.  I never got a special parking space when I was pregnant and it was a good thing too.  That was about the only exercise I was getting.  What they need is a special parking lot after you have the kid.  It's a total pain in the ass dragging a car seat with a twenty pound baby into the store.  And you're exhausted after you lug the kid from the car seat into the stroller, get the diaper bag and the snuggly and all that crap, and then have to push the damn stroller through a huge snow hill because no one bothered to plow the parking lot.  Anyway, I never do it because I am secretly afraid they will give me a pregnancy test and then give me a ticket or something.  Or worse they will say "  Hey old bag, you can't have anymore kids, what are you like 90?"

With this economic crisis the mall is NOT where you want to be.  It used to be only a few people would accost you when walking through the mall.    You know those little stands?  Someone might try and get you over there.  Now they practically chase you down.  And don't bother stepping into a store to just browse, they practically block the door and won't let you out until you buy something.  It was scary the last time I went and I almost miss the unfriendly cashiers.  I felt like I was in Disney World last time I was there, I guess you are overly friendly or you are fired.  Hey, you can't hack it, there is a nice guy with a masters in social work who can.  Pretty soon all McDonald's cashiers will have law degrees.  I am just glad I have a job, even if it is with bad boys.  I don't want to be an overly friendly cashier who begs people to buy stuff.

I am looking for a good book, I have not read a good one in awhile, any suggestions?

Last night Jennie hit a pot hole, almost lost control of the car ( my new car), and ruined two tires/rims.  To be fair, it's not her fault, it's the State of Illinois fault ( they own the road she was on).  In other words, it's that loser Blagojevich's fault. 
And the new guy, whatever his name is, better fix my car. 

This may not look like much, but trust me it can do a lot of damage.

These are just some of the hub caps that have fallen off.

Unfortunately, none of them are Subaru, because I lost mine in another pot hole incident.

The problem has been getting worse and worse every year.  Learn to make roads Illinois!   It's no surprise we have bad winters.  We shouldn't have to deal with this crap.  I have heard it can take months, even years to get reimbursed and they make it so hard, that people just don't bother.  Typical!

Well they have not had to deal with me and my peri-menopausal, unbalanced, hormonal self.  I will fight until the end.

Blago is just lucky my kid wasn't hurt.  Thankfully, Jennie babysat for one of our state reps last summer, so maybe he can hurry the process. 

You know if you can't make roads that break at the drop of a snow flake, you would think you could put bright warning signs when pot holes are coming up.  Of course that would be the entire road, but still...

Jennie isn't used to driving since she is away at school, she wouldn't even think of the pot holes.  Even if she could, there is no avoiding them  without causing an accident sometimes. 

I don't really even have the money to shell out in the hopes of getting reimbursed.  This whole thing has put me in an uncharacteristically bad mood.

The only good thing about Illinois is Chicago. I find it to be a fairly clean and a likable city ( even if they did give me a $100.00 ticket for running a red light, by taking my picture, which is rude.)  Plus it wasn't my fault, and it was a clear attempt to extort money from me.  I paid it ,and now think Blago used the money on product ( as in hair.)  I am sure he had his hands in the Chicago cookie jar, just because I am now blaming him for all my problems.

Anyway, someone better pay up, or else!!!!!!!

I'll keep you informed.

Drew Peterson's new finance:

Well he didn't have to search the planet for the dumbest woman on earth.  I know that's the kind of guy I'm looking for.  Unattractive, 99.9 % murdered his other wives, ( ps. why is he still walking the streets?) obnoxious and narcissistic.  I mean really, there is not one thing going for this guy except his negative notoriety.  I know, she's young.  Who cares?  Young does not mean stupid.  I feel sorry for her dad, who was on Dr. Phil and cried.

Speaking of crying, I heard the ex Governor of my state, Il. cried when he got fired.  Boo Hoo Rod, cry me a river.  He is an embarassment all around.  If he was smarter and went away quietly I MIGHT feel sort of sorry for him.  But he put himself out there to be ridiculed, so...

Mom of the octuplets:  This is so bad that xanga spell check is asking me if I don't mean quin or sextuplets.  Okay, she's a freak, seriously.  And although I don't think Government should be deciding how many kids a person has, there is NO reason a doctor HAS to implant eight embryos.  Just say no doc.  I mean shouldn't there be a rule or something?  Three, four tops?  I have not confirmed, but did hear she is on welfare with the other six, and that is really bulls#t in my opinion.  You want um, you pay for um.  But if she is not getting government support, then have at it, have 100 for all I care.  Although, I think next time, she might want to go the old fashioned route.  I also hear she is getting book and movie offers, which sort of pisses me off, but then again I would probably watch the movie as it's kind of interesting.

Poor Grandpa of little Caylee Anthony.  I'm sure it is obvious to him what happened to his grandaughter and that must be devestating.

Bong smoking Olympic swimmer guy, Phelps or whatever his name is:  Supposedly he's sorry.  Sorry he got caught is what he means.  He should just be honest.  He likes a little weed now and then, and he was too high to say no to pictures. 

Rush Limbaugh is fat.

Nuff said...

Allow me to introduce Sasha and Malia dolls made by Ty Inc.  the Beanie Baby people.  I know what you're thinking, but you would be wrong.  Even though these dolls look very similar to Malia and Sasha Obama AND have the same names, Ty Inc. says it's just a coincidence.

I believe them.  First, they don't even look like the girls. 

The dolls are almost the same height and Sasha is clearly much smaller than Malia. 
 
And I am pretty sure the hair length is all wrong.

You think I'm naive right?  You probably think Ty is trying to  pull the wool over peoples eyes. 

I disagree.  I think it's perfectly plausible that Ty. came up with this out of the blue.  I mean Sasha and Malia are very common names.   I hear there are so many Malia's in the preschools they are having to give them all nick names.  And I'm pretty sure they're all little brown girls.  And all the Malia's in the world are also related in some way to all the Sashas.  It's a fact.

Besides, why would a company that makes those cute little Beanie Babies lie?  They wouldn't.  So if you are planning on buying one of these dolls and think it has ANYTHING to do with the first daughters, you are not too bright.  And I would suggest you don't even buy one, as you obviously can't see the uniqueness of the dolls, completely separate from  Obama's girls.

 It just wouldn't be right for anyone who thinks a company is lying, to then go ahead and purchase their products.  In fact I heard Ty said, " If you don't believe us, don't buy the dolls." 

I have already ordered mine.  I plan on finding some girls who look similar to these dolls and have their names and giving them the dolls.

 I'm sure they won't be hard to find.  I bet they even live in a big white house.